As an ardent fan of baseball, we'd like to step in and offer you some advice on how to get your career back on track.

We remember you as that fleet footed 19 year old who almost single handedly ruined the 1996 Yankees season. You killed them in the World Series, only to lose to destiny and the fact that God loves the Yankees more than the Braves.

You used to be a human highlight reel, Gold Glove center fielder. You crushed baseballs.

Now, the Dodgers are trying to pay you to stay away from them.

We'd like to offer sure-fire advice that'll get you where you want to be.

1. Change your name: How are people supposed to take you seriously when you can't even spell "Andrew" correctly? In order to show people that you're still a team player, show them that there's no "U" in Andrew.

2. Get off the Michael Phelps diet: Yes you both are athletes, but that's where the similarities end. Just because you and Phelps both play a sport, doesn't mean you have to share the same eating habits.

3. Go on Oprah: Let her do that Oprah thing she does on you. Then you're money.

4. Check your bat for termites: You do realize that you're strikeout to hits ratio for the past 2 combined seasons is 2:1. There couldn't possibly be anything wrong with you, your swing, your mental attitude while at bat, or the fat that you may be way to fat to physically swing a bat. There are obvious signs that wood burrowing bugs have infected your bats, causing the ball to sail right through your swing.

5. Acquire a new fan base: You should start attempting to attract a new set of fans; namely baseball fans that are blind or deaf. That way they won't be able to see how bad you suck or hear you suck out loud.

Well, any way, we hope these tips help you out. We'd hate to see your career end up with you being rolled out of Dodger Land by a bunch of Animal Activists trying to roll a beached whale back into the ocean.

-With Love and Respect
108 Red Stitches